Aging, Caregiving & Life Transitions
If you have lived to a certain age, you have already navigated important milestones. They often mark the shift from one life chapter to another: a graduation leading to a new career, a marriage leading to a family, or coming out leading to love and liberation. Not all milestones are happy ones. Lives can also be marked by a life-shattering divorce, a financial reversal with prolonged consequences, or ambition clipped by an painful setback. Whether triumphant or tragic, the familiarity of these stories can reassure us in an important way: we can see ourselves in a certain place on a life path.
“All aging is “successful” — not just the sporty version — otherwise you’re dead.”
Then, there comes a point when changes in our bodies and our circumstances start to make the future appear daunting and unfamiliar. You might feel unsettlingly nervous about how exactly to do this “aging” thing.
Facing the challenge of how to remain you as your body gets older can be a confusing business, especially when:
You don’t feel “old” and are certainly not ready to be a <expletive> “senior citizen.”
Your body doesn’t do what it’s supposed to. It slows you down or imposes frustrating new limits.
You’re worried about who will help you when you need it, especially if you do not have children and/or are single.
You’ve stopped working and aren’t sure what your purpose or role in life is supposed to be now.
Every new lump, pain, or illness makes you worryingly ask: Is this the thing that’s going to kill me?
Your spouse or partner has died and now you’re feeling your way through life without him or her.
You’re surprised to find yourself lonely and needing to make new friends.
You’ve become a caregiver to a spouse, partner, or family member with dementia or frail health (or both). You feel exhausted, overwhelmed, and alone.
Your finances have you worried about whether you can maintain your current standard of living and whether you will be able to afford care you might need in the future.
The future looks scary and depressing.
You’re not weak or a whiner or crazy. This stuff is hard!
“However alert we are, however much we think we know what will happen, antiquity remains an unknown, unanticipated galaxy. ”
How can psychotherapy help me with all this?
Even as one’s “golden years” bring concrete challenges, outside support can help you to:
Gain clarity about your priorities for the years ahead so you can make decisions that are right for you.
Redefine the meaning and purpose of your life.
Learn how to ask for and receive help without feeling like you’re a burden.
Use your accumulated knowledge and experience (also known as wisdom) in ways you haven’t imagined.
Reconnect with earlier “versions” of yourself to access strengths you’ve forgotten you had.
Recapture your identity when health issues are eroding your sense of who you are.
Learn about area resources that can help you with current and future needs.
“You’re never young, of course. You’re young in hindsight, but never at the time. With courage, though, you’re old when you are.”
And for those who are also grappling with the stresses of caregiving:
Get off the treadmill of trying to be the perfect caregiver.
Stop feeling guilty for craving “me time” and give yourself permission to claim time and space to experience pleasure.
Learn how to ask for and accept help from others.
Develop self-care and coping strategies to keep stress from overwhelming you.
Learn about resources and programs to support family caregivers.
“This is something caregivers have to understand: You have to ask for help. You have to realize that you deserve to ask for help. Because you need to keep on working on your own life.”