Grief & Loss
Grief is a universal experience. Everyone eventually experiences a loss that turns the world upside down. It’s important to recognize that many kinds of losses can touch off a grief response, including:
The death of someone important to you.
Losing a job or suffering a professional setback.
The end of a marriage or relationship.
The loss of a home.
A major financial loss.
As common as grief is, many of those grappling with it feel very much alone. Ideally, grieving eventually leads to acceptance. Sometimes, though, our processing of a loss can become “stuck.” Grief itself is often so disorienting and overwhelming that it can be hard to know what is “normal” and when to consider professional support. Here are some clues that you might benefit from extra support with your grieving:
You have a hard time tolerating any kind of irritation or frustration without becoming flustered and angry.
The numbness that often occurs at the beginning of grief is not going away and you feel increasingly alienated from yourself and others.
It feels like there is no one you can talk to about what you are going through.
You are preoccupied by the fear of another loss, such as the death of someone else or even your own death.
You can’t stop thinking about the loss or aspects of it, such as how it happened or how it could have been prevented, even though it has been several months since it occurred.
You feel a need to keep yourself constantly busy, far beyond what is normal for you. It might feel like if you stop moving, you might experience something terrible.
You fear starting new relationships, trying out new things, or taking reasonable risks.
You are seeking relief in potentially harmful behaviors, such as increased alcohol consumption, using more prescription or non-prescription substances, engaging in higher-risk sexual activity, driving faster or recklessly, or having suicidal thoughts.
You are feeling burdened and suffocated by tending to the needs of others who have also been affected by the loss. You don’t feel like there is any room for your own grief process to unfold.
Important grief emotions are not coming to the surface, even though you sense them brewing within.
“It’s possible I am pushing through solid rock in flint-like layers, as the ore lies, alone; I am such a long way in I see no way through, and no space: Everything is close to my face, and everything close to my face is stone.”
Losses can break you down. Compassionate support can help you rebuild.
Outside support can provide the all-important “container” that allows you to safely experience the intense emotions of grief. This safety can facilitate significant healing by helping you to:
Find a path to accepting the loss and reinvesting in your life.
Learn strategies to manage painful grief emotions when they arise.
Help you to stop faulting yourself for not “getting over it” or “moving on” because you continue to experience sadness and other difficult feelings.
Face the challenge of redefining an identity you have lost.
Identify new ways to fulfill the roles and needs that a deceased person or lost relationship played in your life.
Create ways to continue a meaningful relationship with a person who has died or with the positive memories of something important that you lost.